Overcoming the Burden of Shame

Disclaimer: This blog post is meant for informational purposes only and is not intended to diagnose, treat, or prevent any physical or mental disorder. This is not a substitute for treatment from a licensed mental health professional.

Shame is one of the most difficult emotions to deal with. It leaves us feeling exposed, worthless, and wanting to disappear. If you've struggled with shame, you're not alone. Many people grapple with feelings of shame over mistakes, personal traits, or life circumstances.

The good news is that shame doesn't have to control your life. By understanding shame and taking active steps to overcome it, you can free yourself from its heavy burden.

 What is Shame?
Dr. June Tangney, a pioneer in the study of shame and guilt, defines shame as "an incredibly painful emotion arising from the sense of being exposed, inadequate, and defeated in some incredibly painful way."

Shame makes us feel like we are fundamentally flawed human beings. It attacks our self-worth at the core. This is different from guilt, which results from feelings over something we did wrong. 

The Impacts of Shame
Unhealthy levels of shame can wreak havoc on our mental health and well-being. Dr. Tangney's research has linked shame to a host of psychological difficulties including:

• Depression

• Anxiety disorders

• Substance abuse

• Eating disorders

• PTSD

• Suicide attempts

Essentially, shame fuels a negative cycle of destructive behavior by making us feel unworthy and irredeemable.

Overcoming Shame
Fortunately, there are strategies we can use to cope with and overcome shame. Here are some tips based on Dr. Tangney's work:

1.   Practice self-compassion. Treat yourself with kindness and understanding rather than harsh self-criticism. We all make mistakes.

2.   Challenge negative thoughts. Our minds can distort failures into sweeping judgments about our self-worth. Dispute irrational, shame-inducing thoughts.

3.   Share your story. Shame thrives in secrecy. Opening up to caring others can relieve shame.

4.   Build mastery. Develop your skills and competencies in areas that bolster your self-esteem. Accomplishments can counteract feelings of deficiency.

5.   Separate yourself from the situation. Shame often makes us say "I am a bad person" instead of "I did a bad thing." Remind yourself that your worth isn't defined by your mistakes.

6.   Realize that shame can serve as a source of direction for self-growth. By looking at what shame may be trying to teach us, we can embrace it as a signal for self-reflection and growth. 

The journey to overcoming shame is difficult but worthwhile. By showing compassion to yourself, countering your self-critical inner voice, and separating events from your core identity, you can break free from shame's grip on your life.

To start your own journey to get to know your own internal landscape more deeply and develop compassion for all your parts, reach out for an appointment with Dr. Bartholomew today!