Dealing with Emotionally Immature Parents as an Adult

If you grew up with one or both parents who were emotionally immature, you know the particular challenges it brings. Emotional immaturity refers to an impaired ability to experience, express, and perceive emotions. And emotionally immature parent may frequently overreact, blame others, be emotionally unavailable, or have difficulty taking responsible. No matter our age, we may still struggle with the effects of how we were raised. Here are some tips for coping:

 Set Boundaries and Stick to Them
As an adult, you get to decide what behavior you will accept from others, parents included. Calmly but firmly set boundaries about how you will be treated. For example, you may tell them you will not engage if they yell or make personal attacks. Then, disengage and leave the situation if it happens.

 Manage Expectations
Our parents may never gain the emotional maturity we hope for. Coming to terms with their limitations, while difficult, allows us to accept reality and prevent further hurt. Have reasonable expectations about what they can provide emotionally.

 Build Your Support System
Having emotionally immature parents can be incredibly lonely. Build connections with others who can give you the empathy, compassion, and support you missed in childhood. Surround yourself with supportive friends and choose a partner wisely.

 Be Self-Compassionate
Don't beat yourself up for still being affected by your childhood experiences. Healing takes time. When you feel triggered by interactions with your parents, talk to yourself as you would a dear friend. Offer kindness and understanding.

 Consider Getting Support
If you're struggling, working with a therapist can help tremendously. They can provide tools to set boundaries, build self-esteem, and start breaking inherited patterns. There's no need to go it alone.

 With self-compassion and intentional boundary-setting, it's possible to have a healthier dynamic with emotionally immature parents. More importantly, it allows us to provide ourselves the empathy and care we deserved as children.